MMOs: Making Friends, Losing Friends

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell the story, but it came to me as I was getting this morning. I have made a lot of friends over the years playing MMOs.  I even met my husband during a Serpent Shrine Cavern raid and that seems like a lifetime ago.  

Today I’m going to tell you the story of a long time friend that I made in game, who would eventually turn on me. 

Fast Friends and how we came to be guild-mates

We were about halfway through the Burning Crusade expansion in World of Warcraft and my guild had just dealt with a little bit of drama and that falling apart due to our leadership being poached away. WoW was a huge part of my life at the time, the way that my guild was decimated made me so angry. I wasn’t ready to stop raiding the high level content, so it was time to find a new guild.

I had a friend who was in the best guild on my server and although we never played together we had chatted quite a bit. So when my friend left for a new server I noticed his absence and reached out. He had decided that he wanted to play a different specialization that his guild did not approve of so he had left to join one of the top guilds in the US.

We kept in touch for a long time and when my guild had collapsed into a fiery heap of ash, he was one of the first people I told.

“Join my guild” he said to me, “we are losing our holy priests soon.”  At the time, joining one of the best guilds in the world was a little bit intimidating. My friend had confidence in my abilities, but looking back maybe what he wanted more, was a friendly face in his guild.  

A New Server and a Fresh Start

It was a big step switching servers, I would be leaving my friends behind, and starting fresh. My first week playing with the new guild was a bit shakey, but I somehow lived up to expectations.  I was able to perform and more importantly, I was able to show up consistently on our 30 hour week schedule. Yes, we raided a lot. 

Things in game we’re going great, which is what I needed at the time because in my real life they weren’t going so hot.  I made a lot of good friends in that guild but ended up losing my friend who had pulled me in.

How Our Friendship Went from Flourishing to Failure

I remember the events clearly that led up to our falling out he had wanted to show me how a priest could solo run through Auchenai Crypts.  I’ve never tried to solo dungeons before and skipping packs while using mind soothe as a priest was something that was new to me so naturally, I sucked at it and killed us both. We were both hanging out on a voice chat and after I had to run back maybe the third time he left the voice channel without saying a word and left the dungeon and put me on ignore in game. This is the World of Warcraft equivalent to being ditched.

Over the next couple of weeks, it became clear that this wasn’t just a momentary fight. Not only did he mute me on voice chat, ignore me and game but he also started bad mouthing me to the other players in our guild.  

When that wasn’t enough, he started using a macro on all of his abilities in order to remove my heals from his character. At first I didn’t understand what was going on until I talked it through with some of the other players in my guild.  He had been asking around if there was a way to remove renews from his character.

Our Fight Went from Personal to Guild Drama

At this point more people knew about are falling out and our guild leader started giving my friend, or at this point my ex-friend hard time for being so petty.  It wasn’t long until my ex-friend left the guild, chasing after bigger and better glory. Or maybe it was just to get away from all the drama that our failed friendship was causing.

In Game Friends ARE Real Friends

This falling out had left me devastated and it was hard to admit or even talk about. At the time having online friends was considered taboo or weird because every parent taught their kid was going to be the victim of a sexual predator. Most people couldn’t understand but a bunch of 20-year-olds could get together and kill dragons and make real friendships.

In MMOs I’ve made real, deep, lasting friendships that are really important to me.  Losing that friend hurt a lot, but at the same time, I came to realize that it wasn’t always my fault if things didn’t work out.  It takes two people to make a friendship work.

2 thoughts on “MMOs: Making Friends, Losing Friends

  1. Oh, man. You have no idea how much I share your pain. Online friends are real friends, and falling outs ALWAYS freaking suck. I’m still nursing quite the wound on my soul after my ex-BFF blogger buddy decided to abruptly slam their door on me. I don’t exist to them anymore and it still kills me months later. Sigh.

    We can’t control other people, though. It’s important to learn from this stuff and appreciate the true friends around us. Lessons from stuff like this are valuable. Take care! 🙂


    1. It’s so hard sometimes. While the events in my post happened 10 years ago, it has stayed with me all this time. My biggest lesson was that I needed to learn to let people exit my life without letting the bad experience take up too much space in my brain. Easier said than done right?


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